Yesterday Sam posed an interesting question: If life were like a movie and came with a fast-forward and a rewind button, which would you push?
I didn't have to think about it long. As a mother of four coming off two years of marital hell, I knew that I didn't want to go back in time. But even in the midst of a divorce I am an incurable optimist. I always anticipate that things will be easier/better/calmer when...
...I lose twenty-five pounds.
...we have more money.
...the kids are older.
...my house is clean. (The rest may actually come to pass. Alas, this one will not.)
Lately I have learned to make peace with the present. My house is a mess but it is mine, and I'm no longer waiting for someone else to clean up after themselves or fix things. I see that the lawn needs mowing and I know that I'll get to it when I have time. I enjoy every day, the ones with the boys and the rare ones without.
This weekend my soon-to-be ex-husband will be taking the boys camping. While there he will be introducing them to his girlfriend (haven't come up with a snappy name for her yet....give me time). I could stew and fret about this, but I have decided that the best thing for me to do is focus on my own terrific weekend, puttering in the garden, spending time with good friends, and wallowing in the knowledge that I am loved and in love, every day.